This Weekend

For the past few weeks I have been dealing with ever increasing pain that finally escalated to the point that I had to get an injection of Morphine on Saturday. It had done its job and was allowing me to get my pain back under control. It is hard to do the heart focus breathing techniques that I have found so effective if I am unable to get myself to focus on anything outside of my pain. When the pain is so intense it becomes impossible to do. With this medication on board I was able to do it. I thought that I was doing so well, until earlier today.

For some unknown reason my pain decided that it was going to get out of control again and it actually hit extremely close to a level 10 on the pain scale. I have never had this much pain in so many years that it actually scared me. I think that the fact that I was scared did not help to get the pain under control. I had to get my emotions under control in order to make sure that the pain was not be exacerbated by the emotions and the feeling that I had no control over the pain that I was having. It is true that I had no control over the pain but I did have control over the way that I was handling it.

I had to get myself controlled and starting to focus on something that was pleasurable and that was non-tangible. It can not be something that can be taken away and that can not change. For me that is a sunset at the beach. I have always had a sunset as something that was very special to me and my grandparents. Whenever there was an especially nice sunset, it was almost a race to see who would call the other first. I still find myself doing that with my grandmother now. It is a nice thing and it is something that brings a calming effect to me.

Once I was able to get that into my mind, I realize that the pain was still terrible but that I could get through it. I got some Norco into me along with some Advil and within about 20 minutes I was feeling much better. I say much better but you will probably be appalled by what I consider much better. I went from being close to 10 on the pain scale to being about 8.5. I can handle that. Well anyways that is how my weekend worked itself out. Hopefully you had a better one.